waltdisneyconfessions:

“Through Disney, I have learned to be myself. Disney shows me that there is hope, and all people will one day find their true love”.

..But more so through Disney, I learned that hope and success for women is measured in their ability to find a man to love them, and save them. And once that is done then the story ends, happily ever after, of course, because that’s all we really want, right?
I love Disney but I don’t see them as inspiring to women, I feel uncomfortable that women learn to be themselves through these messages.

(via oceanside-mermaid)

Firstly, I SUCK at doing this right, and I know this. I’m going to finish this one up and then if I do another one i’m going to not suck at it.

Well, my first love and my first kiss are two different people. I consider my first love the first person I fell in love with—and that came long after my first kiss.

   There’s not much to say about my first kiss other than it was on the couch after school. He kinda just went for it..he was my boyfriend at the time but we hadn’t kissed yet. And it was gross. It was wet and tongues were in awful places and I was not a fan. It improved after. I actually recently kissed him again, in an alcohol induced haze.

   My first love. That would be Dan. Things about Dan are way back when I started my tumblr until last year when we broke up. Some of the post break up things i’ve deleted cause I didn’t want to remember how pathetic I was. BUT…let’s see…my first love…it was amazing. It was far more than I ever expected. I had such high expectations for being in love and this love exceeded them all.

  I met him at work, the day he started working with me I decided I wanted him to be miiine. And as we worked together more and I saw how funny and goofy and sweet he was I decided more assuredly. I went through at least a month of crushing super hard on him, and going home and telling my best friend every mundane detail of our interactions that seemed so important to me at the time. I liked him SO much by the time we actually started going out. There’s been much debate about who kissed who first, he thinks I initiated, and I think he did. But it doesn’t matter I guess cause we both fell pretty damn hard.

   He was my longest relationship. Almost 2 years. Before him the longest relationship I’d been in was 3 1/2 months. I got SO bored after 3 months, always. And I didn’t get emotionally attached, EVER. I was super guarded and also a stone hearted bitch. Well he changed all of that. He melted my fucking soul. Not only did I take down my very tall walls for him, but I gave him my everything and was completely vulnerable to him. I loved him so much. I was having a hard time at home but having him in my life made everything feel okay.

 And it’s not that i was this co-dependent bitch, it’s just that we were so perfect together for awhile. He made me a better person in that he inspired me to be the best version of myself that I could be. He didn’t inspire me to change who I am, just improve upon who I already am because just being with him made me motivated and inspired and happy.

   I didn’t just love him—I loved us. Nothing faded, I was just as in love with him the day we broke up as I was the day we fell in love—actually it was probably more. But it ended. I was blind to some things. I was going through a really hard time during the end, and usually id have tried to put on a braver face in front of others. But he wasn’t just an other. I loved him so much and I figured that he loved me enough, and that I wasn’t in danger of losing him. But…I was wrong. I do believe that he loved me as much as I thought. Definitely most of the relationship, we were equally in love. Even when we broke up I know he still loved me, probably not as much. But he couldn’t take me being sad like I was, and the fact that my family always had another crisis for me. He thought the fact that I was sad more often than not was him being not a good enough boyfriend, and he couldn’t deal with it. He said it affected his everyday life so that he was sad because he couldn’t make me happy. And the second he said all this I realized it was true..for the past month or two I HAD been acting really sad sometimes. But I was so damn comfortable with the relationship I didn’t think it’d be the end of it. And also—he never fucking said anything to tell me just how much my own mood was upsetting his. He never gave me the chance to change it before it was too late. And that, I think, was what bothered me the most—that I think if he’d communicated, we could have fixed it.

 After the break up we tried being friends and ultimately hooked up again. But feelings were hurt and I started being bitchy because I felt so hurt, so betrayed by him. He was the only guy i’d ever opened myself up to and trusted with all my heart. It made me mad that I had communicated but he didn’t when he had a problem, just tried to fix it without me but he clearly couldnt. Anyway—suffice it to say I had a lot of resentment that I couldn’t hide. So things ended up in a disaster…again.
  I was such a mess after that break up. I put far too much of myself into him, and when I didn’t have him anymore I felt like there was less of me.

 Looking back I see that we were both at fault. He wasn’t mature enough to handle the situation in an adult way and I wasn’t aware enough to keep things alright.

  But my first love…it was amazing. And although a year ago I wouldn’t have said this—it was worth all the pain. Although I sometimes get scared I’ll never feel that again.